"Today is going to be a good day, and here's why:"
This was my first year at college, and although I would say that it ended on the positive side, not every moment was wonderful or even just good. Going to Penn was a big change. I had never lived in a city before. I had never spent more than a week on the East coast. I had never spent more than two weeks away from my family. Though these things all meant that my life would be different, I knew I could overcome them. The hardest obstacle would be leaving my family, but this seemed all the more difficult given that I knew absolutely no one going to Penn.
I try to be optimistic, and I was looking forward to this new, exciting moment in my life. But I always underestimate my introvertedness. I do not think that being introverted is something that is a deficit to one's personality, but it definitely can hinder my ability to feel comfortable connecting with strangers. My first days at Penn, alone, I chose to stay in my dorm room most of the time. I had no friends to invite anywhere. I wasn't meeting anyone because the idea of parties is abhorrent to me. There wasn't really a way for me to comfortably meet people, and I wasn't able to find the confidence to talk to people that would become the kinds of friends I would ask to go places. I know I overthink things, but I also didn't have anyone to pull me out the recesses of my own mind.
After a while, I did make a handful of friends (including one pretty great one) that were not just convenience friendships; I had people I could text and talk to *almost* everyday. But I was still felt like I was behind my peers in terms of friendships. I already felt lonely as I saw that everyone else had these large friend groups that they were able to go on adventures with. And they all grew closer to each other, making me feel more and more shut out. I was the last one left, alone at being alone.
But on the days that I felt most isolated, there was one thing that made me feel like I wasn't alone: Dear Evan Hansen. I remember being alone in my dorm, getting ready to come home for Thanksgiving, and playing the soundtrack at top volume, for once not caring what those around me would think. I rarely listen to loud music, but this soundtrack connected to me. And I can feel the connection that other people have to this musical. People like me. People better off than me. People worse off than me. We were all connected by this musical about a boy struggling to overcome social anxiety and depression, to belong. When I felt the most lost, Dear Evan Hansen reminded me that I would be found.
The music encapsulated all of the emotions that I felt at that time. Ben Platt presented a character that was believable, genuine, and relatable. We all feel like Evan in "Waving Through a Window" sometimes, and yes, everyone needs to hear this (as in, "You will be found"). Anytime I needed a little hope, these songs were here for me, even if I couldn't afford the $200 ticket.
This show that I haven't even seen didn't just remind me that things get better; I feel that this show is a reason that I now have a great friend at Penn. Dear Evan Hansen allowed me to connect with someone. I found someone that loved the show as much as I did, in a bit of an odd way, honestly. My closest friend may have exposed my plan to find Ben Platt while he was on campus. Instead of thinking that I was crazy, this new friend wanted to join me on a Ben hunt, making me realize that no matter what else I said, she couldn't possibly think I was any weirder than in that moment. We went from acquaintances to friends, and I am thankful to this show for doing that for me.
I am thankful to have something that I can hear everyday that reminds me that "today at least you are you, and that's enough."
Sincerely,
Me
I try to be optimistic, and I was looking forward to this new, exciting moment in my life. But I always underestimate my introvertedness. I do not think that being introverted is something that is a deficit to one's personality, but it definitely can hinder my ability to feel comfortable connecting with strangers. My first days at Penn, alone, I chose to stay in my dorm room most of the time. I had no friends to invite anywhere. I wasn't meeting anyone because the idea of parties is abhorrent to me. There wasn't really a way for me to comfortably meet people, and I wasn't able to find the confidence to talk to people that would become the kinds of friends I would ask to go places. I know I overthink things, but I also didn't have anyone to pull me out the recesses of my own mind.
After a while, I did make a handful of friends (including one pretty great one) that were not just convenience friendships; I had people I could text and talk to *almost* everyday. But I was still felt like I was behind my peers in terms of friendships. I already felt lonely as I saw that everyone else had these large friend groups that they were able to go on adventures with. And they all grew closer to each other, making me feel more and more shut out. I was the last one left, alone at being alone.
But on the days that I felt most isolated, there was one thing that made me feel like I wasn't alone: Dear Evan Hansen. I remember being alone in my dorm, getting ready to come home for Thanksgiving, and playing the soundtrack at top volume, for once not caring what those around me would think. I rarely listen to loud music, but this soundtrack connected to me. And I can feel the connection that other people have to this musical. People like me. People better off than me. People worse off than me. We were all connected by this musical about a boy struggling to overcome social anxiety and depression, to belong. When I felt the most lost, Dear Evan Hansen reminded me that I would be found.
The music encapsulated all of the emotions that I felt at that time. Ben Platt presented a character that was believable, genuine, and relatable. We all feel like Evan in "Waving Through a Window" sometimes, and yes, everyone needs to hear this (as in, "You will be found"). Anytime I needed a little hope, these songs were here for me, even if I couldn't afford the $200 ticket.
This show that I haven't even seen didn't just remind me that things get better; I feel that this show is a reason that I now have a great friend at Penn. Dear Evan Hansen allowed me to connect with someone. I found someone that loved the show as much as I did, in a bit of an odd way, honestly. My closest friend may have exposed my plan to find Ben Platt while he was on campus. Instead of thinking that I was crazy, this new friend wanted to join me on a Ben hunt, making me realize that no matter what else I said, she couldn't possibly think I was any weirder than in that moment. We went from acquaintances to friends, and I am thankful to this show for doing that for me.
I am thankful to have something that I can hear everyday that reminds me that "today at least you are you, and that's enough."
Sincerely,
Me
Comments
Post a Comment