The Importance of Rereading

There are just so many books. There are thousands upon thousands of novels, adding up to what must be a limitless number of pages. There are so many that it is impossible to read every book, even every good book, no matter how much I read. I will never be able to read every book on my ever expanding list, and sometimes coming to terms with this is difficult. There will be conversations I can't participate in, symbols I won't analyze, authors I may never meet. With so much page turning, I used to think that I had to constantly keep moving forward. That is, continually reading books I had never read before, expanding my repertoire of "have reads." But as I've grown older and read more books, including some that are really important to me, I have found that is not the case. Rereading a book can be just as important and transformative as discovering a new one.

I have thought of books as friends, and I think about them often, but I hadn't been a very good friend to them. I never went to check on them, see how they were doing. We would go through something together and then I would sort of leave them, having a relationship of memories and stories to tell other people. This is no way to treat a book that's really important to you. And I've known books that were really important to me and yet I didn't realize that I could and should visit them again. I wouldn't realize this lesson until going away to college. 

As I've mentioned, I have a rather deep love for The Great Gatsby, and I had found that if I am ever sad or stressed or in need of inspiration, the final page will always brighten my day. Having felt this deep connection to Gatsby and dreaming, I found myself packing my rather worn copy with me to take to college. About a week into moving many, many miles away from home, I looked to my new friend. We went on a walk to a quiet garden that I had found on campus, and I made myself at home amongst the rustle of trees and blooming flowers, my own little corner of sunshine. I hadn't made any friends that felt real to me yet, but I knew that my silly dreams must be worth it, so I opened Gatsby and we dreamed together. I sat there and lost myself in contemplation with Gatsby for half the novel, but soon I had to go and do my school work. Gatsby would still be there.

I hadn't picked up the book again, unless for the last page, until the next semester when I took a class on Modern American literature. One of the novels we had to read was The Great Gatsby. I knew that I didn't have to read it again. The story was so important to me and one that I often analyzed in my head for fun that it was still very fresh, but I wanted to read it again, finish what had been waiting for me since I came to school. I started back from the beginning. I read all my original annotations, some I analyzed further, some I now disagreed with, and other little notes needed to be added. I found something new in the story this time. More symbolism, more complexity, more connections to the past. If I hadn't reread the book, these details would have been lost, and I would be someone worshipping a much more shallow interpretation of her supposed favorite book. 

But not only did the English major in me find something. I found something. The novel was more important to me now than before because now it felt as if I was really trying to reach for the green light. There wasn't just a light in my life; I was off chasing it, reaching for it. After rereading, I felt renewed at a point in the semester where I would usually feel fatigued and ready to be home. In fact, when I didn't reread the novel around the same time this last year, I felt mysteriously empty until I picked up Gatsby again.

The third time around I still found something new. I still got lost in the words. I left my visit with Gatsby reminded of how much I love to read, how powerful language can be to me, and I found myself appreciating other books even more because of it. 

As a kid, I would ask for the same story to be read every night because of how much I loved it. I was able to recite the entire book from memory. When I quote Gatsby, I feel that same joy and connection as I did when I was a child. And that's what reading should be, what rereading should be, like returning to an old friend from childhood and catching up.